Hurt, Sadness, Pain?

Okay...
Very recently like in the last two weeks I've felt my life falling apart. A little part of my life falling off each day. You want to know why?
I couldn't say.
Did I do something to piss of Karma?
I don't know.
But, me. I keep my emotions bottled-up. I don't let anyone know what I'm feeling unless I'm hyper. Usually I just reply with a sharp retort and harsh sarcasm. I've even noticed I've been doing that with my family! AND PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW!
I hate myself.
I hate myself 'cause I'm treating people horrible now. I don't know what happened to me. I used to be only midly sarcastic! NOW I'M MEAN!
I am disappointed in myself and honestly sometimes I think I shouldn't exist. Like without my existance, the world would be better.
I've been so sad and hurt lately. I mean the guy I liked is flirting with other girls and he still acts like he likes me and I just don't get it! And the other guy I thought I liked... well I haven't seen him for a few years yet I still like him.
And that reminded me of my grandma since my grandma used to take me to the states and he was there. The reason I met him was because of my grandma. I miss her sooo much and I can't believe I've forgotten about her! Maybe that's why my life is miserable.
Karma is punishing me for not caring about my lost ones.
I honestly believe I've changed.
I'm no longer the kind and caring and passionate Alado. I'm not the depressed, sarcastic, rude, and mean Alado.
One of my best guy friend's noticed this when I was commenting on his status on facebook. I MADE A RACIST REMARK AND IT CAME NATURALLY TO ME!
He didn't care, I pointed it out, and he agreed yet he said I was a nice, great friend and I shouldn't listen to anybody.
Liar.
I know what I said and I know I'm a horrible person.
BUT! Don't worry! I'm not going to become emo and cut myself or think of suicide.
That's not me nor ever will be!
Nor will I give into drugs. I will prove everyone wrong! That not all natives smoke weed!
That is another thing that has torn me apart.
Drugs.
I know so many people.
My friends. My loved ones. People I trust.
I'm not even crying when I would've been normally at all these memories and things about my life.
I didn't know it was this dark and wretched. I only feel hurt, or numbness.
Maybe I should just leave.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong anywhere were I can hurt people.
Honestly...
Why?

Birthdays, Strangers, and Akwardness

First off, I'd like to start of this post with a

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER!

There. I'm done.
NAW!

Also, yesterday my step sister picked me up for a surprise birthday present for my step dad. A little thing about me, I don't know my real dad. He left when I was 3 and my mom married my step dad and basically I think of him as my real dad and he thinks of me and my twin brother as his real kids. Well him and my mom are seperated and he lives on the island. Victoria or something, anyways his birthday is June 9 and he wouldn't be out for it but this weekend he was on the mainland and we went to his friends house and I haven't seen them since I was 7. I'm 15.

Well when we arrived I was with my step sister, her boyfriend, and my nephew/cousin (he's my step brother's son and my cousins son).

Anyways there were my dad's friends, the ones who owned the house and another guy and his daughter, and his granddaughter. Anyways the guy -the one who didn't own the house- he was talking to me and telling me stories of when I was a kid. He said he was at my house one day with my dad and my brother was waving to him while we were on our way to school and my brother tripped over a speed-bumb and I was laughing my head off.

I did the akward laugh thing like "Heh" and I just smiled akwardly. I mean I DON'T REMEMBER WHEN I WAS 6 YEARS OLD...

And than the guy and the girl who owned the house they were like you are so big! I remember you when you were this tall! And the guy holds his hand to his hips. I was like "heh, really?"

Yeah.. the day was pretty akward.

We had a barbecue diner and I wasn't feeling good 'cause I've been sick for a week now and the girl she made cake.. I hate icing. I can't stand it. It's gross and I'm sick of it.

While her cake is plastered with icing. At first it was good than by the time I was done licking the icing off of my cake I was legit about to hurl. The cake wasn't all that bad but it was moist and chewy-ish and in the middle, you know how people add icing or something like that in the middle to keep the cake layers together? You know that creamy yellow-whiteish icing they put in the middle?

I find it gross.

Which was worse is her icing was like jelly! It would wiggle and giggle and it wasn't creamy at all. I almost hurled again, trying to force it down. Bleh. Yeah... I have a weak stomach when it comes to creamy, jello stuff.

Since it was like jell-o I guess that's why I didn't like it. I hate Jell-o. The way it feels when your eating it and how it's.... BLEH!

Anyways.

That is my Saturday. HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

New Blog

As some of you may know, I have a new blog. I am deeply in love with it and I am quite proud of myself for making such an amazing creation! ;) Sorry, I'm getting a bit full of myself aren't I?!
Anyways, I love mythology. Ghosts, Banshees, Werewolves, Sasquatches, UFO's, etc. When I'm older I really want to become a paranormal investigator like THE Josh Gates from Destination Truth. If you have any unawnsered encounters or stories or questions, feel free to check out my new blog at:

Paranormal Files

I'd love to hear your feedback!

More Songs

So, this is my favourite song, I don't know why, I just... love it! I also like the piano version, and I think I love that version because, well it was on a The Vampire Diaries episode, I think it was season 2, "The Last Dance". Yeah, I'm pretty sure that episode :P

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces

(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no

What am I gonna do

When the best part of me was always you

And what am I supposed to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no

This is the piano version :)

This Basically Describes Me:

Well hello there, what chyu doing stalking my blog? Nah! I'm just messin' with ya! Haha... I'm a loser, atleast I can admit it! :D
Anyways, I was... actually I don't know how I actually got to listening to this song but, here it is! It's a song that describes me and one of my cultures which is First Nations, or Natives:



(Lyrics):

You think I'm an ignorant savage
And you've been so many places
I guess it must be so
But still I cannot see
If the savage one is me
How can there be so much that you don't know?
You don't know ...

You think you own whatever land you land on
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

How high will the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon

For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

Jerks

Okay, so I don't know if I could write 'cause my hands are shaky. It may be from the adrenaline rush.. Yeah, so, I was just chilling on my computer, waiting to see if anyone would reply on the chatbox of PoplarClan and I was watching The Vampire Diaries, episode 2 season 1 'cause I got bored, when I heard, **Caution, course language will be blocked out with stars**
something, something, something, "kick your ****ing teeth in!" and I'm like holy crap! What's going on?? 'Cause there's a party at the house beside mine, we natives party on birthdays and play off games. Anyways there's a party at my neighbours since it's their eldest sons who likes 29 or something and I look out my window and theres a group of adults like 24-45 and they're all partying outside and just outside my house I see two men, one is like 24, I think 'cause I've known him since I was in grade 3 and the other is like 30 and he's kind of a jerk.
I guess he was kind of being his jerky self to his girlfriend and calling her *please excuse my language* a whore and a b**ch. I than heard, "Let's go! Let's go! I'll kick your a**!"
And I said, OMG! I hope they don't fight! 'Cause fights scare me, I can't stand violence and I start to shake. I think 'cause.... nevermind, I don't know anyone well enough to tell this so... anyways I looked outside and the 24 year old was stepping up and defending the 30 year olds girlfriend and than the 24 year old swings at him and they start to fight. But thankfully it doesn't last long.
People break them up and the 30 year old starts to laugh and walk away, 'cause he thinks everyone is overreacting that he was being a jerk and being mean to his girlfriend.
HONESTLY I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GUYS MUST HIT THINGS AND BE MEAN TO GIRLS!
That is the moral of my story. Don't hit things and be nice.

School, whatta drag

Okay, as you may know I am first nations. Meaning... well I don't want to get into that since well, I don't really know how to explain it myself. But anyways most schools in Canada... or well, where I live anyways, have totem poles. My uncle, who's a carver made one for my elementary school, but it was before I went there, and he also made one for my middle school last year and I sort of helped...but working with tools scare me since I was carving with my friend and she cut herself and needed stiches. My uncle also made one for my high school (weird how he's following me in my school years, eh? XD). He made it a couple weeks ago and they set it up in the front of the school, there's two. One that represents my grandma, I never knew her she died before I was born, and the other represents my grandpa, he's amazing, but I don't see him often. Anyways my day started off with me arriving at school, missing class to go to the gym and chill with my aunties and uncles and cousins while we waited for the Totem Pole Raising Ceremony and than it started. It was long and actually pretty boring since I've been to tons and in the end I had to pick up the blankets and give 'em away. Pretty boring. LOL. Anyways after that I went out side for a bit and really did nothing but watch the totem pole be set up. It was small and it didn't take long to stand up, maybe a whole five minutes? Lol, after that I had to set up a for our school carnival. Canada Day in May. My both was called "T-Shirt Decorating" pretty amazing, eh? ;D And I got to miss school alllll day and I was allowed to go home an hour earlier than the rest of the students, well this was for all Leadership students from grade 9-12. Though, me being a total idiot, didn't know this so I ended up staying until the school ended. Though it was fine, all I did was hangout in my Leadership teacher's class, eat jellybeans and Peach rings and listened to "Breakeven" by The Script. It was pretty fun I guess. Well, that was my Friday. My Saturday... erm, today was boring. Really. ALSO NEW BLOG!! (I know, I know, I know! I make too many!)

Students Across The World (JOIN!!! :D)

Also, the pictures are:

1st Pic: First Nations totem poles. No I don't know who made them.

2nd Pic: My cousin. My uncles son, he helped carve the totem pole at my school and that's him holding a brick carving we Sumas FN members are proud of ;)

Tagged

I was tagged by Feather & Moonstar :3

1. What is your favourite book?
Where the Red Fern Grows -An amazing classic ;)

2.If you had the choice to go see any celebrity, who would it be ?
IAN SOMERHALDER! HANDS DOWN! And if I could pick two it'd definatly be Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder <3

3.Would you ever go sky diving or ziplining?
Yes, and I've been ziplining before :3

4.What was your favourite Disney movie as a young child ?
The Little Mermaid

5.Which sport(s) do you love to play?
Soccer, volleyball, and track.

6. Who are your best blogger friends?
I must say everyone I meet on blogger eventually becomes a best blogger friend to me, therefore there are to many to name, but you guys know who you are!

7.What is your favourite animal?
Wolf.

8. What's your favourite song at the moment?
At the moment, Breakeven by The Script

9. Who are your favourite actors/actresses?
Ian Somerhalder(Damon), Nina Dobrev(Elena), Paul Wesley(Stefan), and Steven McQueen(Jeremy)

10. What's your favourite T.V show?
The Vampire Diaries ;)

11. Tag 8 blogger friends
-Moonstar
-Piney
-Poppy
-Amber(Sharpstone)
-Holly Lives On
-Swirly Girl ;D
-Brookstep/Zebra/Shenzi
-Apple

New blogs

Hey, I have two new blogs that have quickly become a favourite ;)
If you'd like to join, YOU ARE DEFINATLY WELCOME! I'd like them to become popular :3
Here's the first one:
At The World's End (Me and Moonstar's blog!)

The second one:
Mysticville (My blog! I really like it ;D)

You don't necessarily have to join it but you can if you want, anyone is welcome unless they are blogwalkers! xD

~♦♥Alado/Shade loves KFS and LPH -- DS and SS♦♥ out

Me, Myself, and I... and my friends

Hahaha, hello there. Alado/Shade whatev. My name is tooo long but gguuuuuueeeeeesss what?! I got a new obsession, NO MORE BIG TIME RUSH TALK! :D
The Vampire Diaries. It is an amazing t.v series about a girl who is human who falls for two vampire brothers but loves one more than the other. Her best friend is a witch, and her other friend is a vampire and her vampire friend's boyfriend is a werewolf and her adopted brother can see the dead. Yes... very dramatic lol.
But I did not come to talk about TVD I want to talk about myself for once. Recently I went to my best friend Sadie's birthday and it was me, Sadie, Casey(her crush), Tristan, Cordane, and Katie. We had fun, Katie left at 9pm, Casey left at 11:30pm, and Tristan and Cordane left at 12am, I left the next day at 5pm lol. We went outside and walked around town and we talked. Mainly we layed on each other and did nothing, but it was still fun XD

Here are some pictures LOL;

Me and Cordane in Sadie's room, chilling

Sadie, Casey, Me, Sadie's dog Simon(little devil dog), and Cordane

Me and Sadie, yes she is laying on Cordane's butt, I'm laying on his back XD

*sigh*

I know this is the second post but I realllllllyyy want to make a new blog since School of Shadows, HeatherClan, HiddenClan, and MoonClan, aren't very popular...I want to either make another clan... or another immortals blog but I am really liking, The Vampire Diaries so I might want to make a "Mystic Falls" blog though I don't think anyone would join since I don't think anyone watches it... I need ideas on a new blog!

Suggestions? :)

From left:

Matt(sitting down)

Bonnie

Tyler

Middle:

Stefan

Elena

Damon

Right:

Jenna(back, purple dress)

Alaric

Caroline

Jeremy(right, front)

Catch Up!

Hahaha, the post title reminds me of something. In class we just finished a novel study, "In the Heat of the Night" it's about racism, prejudice, and... murder. Dun dun duuuuun. Lol. But in the book instead of spelling "ketchup" they spell it the other way. "catsup". It confused a lot of my classmates... my English class is FULL of delinquents.. and yes it's true. They are either pot-heads, they skip class, or they are the trouble makers. There are decent people like my newest friend Anna. She's pree chill ;). Anyways... My kitten, Shade, just got stung by a wasp... O.o

LOL, that made me laugh. Like I was saying. Anyways I've noticed that a lot of girls are dressing... skimpy. Girls! Guys will like you for who you are and not what you try to be! Well... the guys who aren't pigs. Well.. I've nothing else to say besides I have a new blog.

School of Shadows that you can join @ http://schoolofshadows-werewolvesvampires.blogspot.com/

Yes, I do need more joiners :3

Also... I really actually don't have anything to say.. OH WAIT! I'm not grounded anymore :)

SUGGESTIONS ARE DESPERATLY NEEDED

By the title I'm guessing you've already guessed what this post will be about. Well the thing is... I have no more ideas on what to post. My life is pretty bland at the moment, I'm grounded, been sneaking on the computer except for now. My dog has an infected front paw that I don't really care about since he won't do what he's told and lay down for a few days. But I do care, I kid. -I'm kidding- I love my crazy puppy and I hope he gets better. OH LOOK I FOUND A TOPIC TO TALK ABOUT! Naw. I'm tired of talking about gym... no really I'm actually tired of typing. I want to go to sleep. It's 10:44pm and I have to blowdry my hair and than straighten it but I don't really feel like doing that but I don't want to go to school tomorrow with a big puffy excuse for hair. I'm super tired. We had to run a mile in gym today and I was ahead of everyone, we were with the grade 10 girls as well and than I started lagging until on the second lap -a mile is four laps- I began walking, but I did make it under a ten minutes! Nine minutes and thirty-two seconds to be exact ;) Anyways I. NEED. SUGGESTIONS. FOR. POSTS. AND. I. ENJOY. YOU'RE. INPUT. WHATEVER. IT. IS. !.

Twitter Love

Okay, I know I promised no more BTR posts but HEY! No one even reads this so it's basically me talking to myself, about things exciting or important in my life, but no one cares. Oh well! Well... I was on twitter and JAMES MASLOW TALKED TO ME! I almost died. Legit. No lie. Alado almost died. HAH! Anways he made a tweet about golf, and I replied, and so our topic of discussion was GOLF. It was his first time playing and he's so full of himself, he said he was a pro already *sigh* he's so cute :3 But I will always be a Lendall fan :D Anyways... this is short BUT IT WAS SO AMAZING IT NEEDED TO BE SHARED.

Annoyance Is My Specialty ;)

Kay, so I like annoying people, it's my thing, I think up clever little things and it just seems to annoy people! Like for example my cousin who is really annoying and in the picture of me on that right side bar thingy under the cbox. Well anyways one of her facebook statuses was "Why do some many guys like me?!?! Like really?!?!" And it was so funny 'cause statuses like that tick me off, like seriously, not every guy is into, she can be pretty but HER VOICE IS LIKE CLAWING MARKS ON A CHALK BOARD. Just saying.

Anyways I commented saying "SOMEONE is full of themself" and she raged on me and I enjoyed watching her get annoyed. Eventually it became to me "Annoy Bianca" week and I annoyed her so much that week she ignored me, deleted and blocked me, or so she says her "friend" did but I highly doubt that. It seems mean but once you've known her for 15 years and grew up with her, it's not mean. LAWLZ.
Anyways I annoyed my brother today :3, just now actually, I replayed two songs about 11 times each. Love Letter and Better Get To Movin' by Heffron Drive It was entertaining.
Again, I'm bored and decided to post, if you have any stories on siblings annoying you or you annoying someone feel free to share by

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COMMENTING BELOW XD.......